Recycling Goes Too Far.

You know Jared, the Subway dude? The guy who lost all that weight by eating nothing but roughage on a bun and for this became an instant celebrity, making cameos in every new Subway commercial for what seemed like a decade? Yeah, that dude.

Clearly, I have been SO over Jared for a while. But tonight at work, the guys were watching the local weather when a blast from the past hit ground zero. They're running THAT Subway commercial again. The one that screams "EIGHTIES!!" with every frame, from the Debbie Gibson hair to the Paula Abdul rooftop video setting (from "Opposites Attract," the one with the cartoon cat that raps) to the row of backup mimes holding hero sandwiches and that 3D grid horizon thing that filled the lower third of every album cover released between '82 and '85.

Wait -- MIMES? That's not even 80s, that's just scary. Who the hell decided to put MIMES in a fast food commercial??? If they're supposed to be some surreal, dadaist riff on Ronald McDonald, you way overshot, people.

What marketing genius brought this turkey back? Have Blimpie and Quizno's and Jimmy John's driven you to these desperate straits? Oh, Subway, how you have fallen.

I'm all for environmentalism -- hybrid cars, green fuels, all that crap -- but some things are truly and permanently disposable. What's left of the ozone layer can handle the fumes from a few more feet of celluloid. Send Jared -- he's good enough at burning calories.

P.S. I apologize for the rapid shift in tone from the previous post. I promise it will happen again.