An Open Letter to the NWC Homecoming Committee
To whom it may concern:
I am a current student of Northwestern College who commutes from off-campus. In order to pay for school, rent, gas, insurance, ramen noodles, EasyMac, and water, I also work full-time. This particular homecoming weekend, I am working a total of 24 hours, so my time is something of a premium. Today, I had to photocopy a reserve text in the library and ran to campus at my earliest convenience. Leaving the library, to my intense dismay, I ran into the homecoming parade. It took me no less than 50 minutes to leave campus from my parking spot in front of the library.
Having so much time on my hands, I had the opportunity to formulate a few thoughts for your consideration:
1) A parade? The concept has a certain quaint charm, I'll admit, but Northwestern is neither Texas A&M nor Lake Wobegon. What, if I may be so bold as to ask, is the point? Last I checked, our football team is not what one would term a bright star in the universe of collegiate athletics. As Northwestern is, primarily, an academic community, can we not retain for ourselves a few shreds of dignity?
2) Further planning and recruitment may be required. A single fire engine, squadcar, convertible, and 2 SUVs with soap-stained windows and streamer-clad trailers does not constitute a "parade." I mean, come on people, even Courtney Love can manage better than that...
3) If you MUST have a "parade," would it be too much to ask to route the thing through the P.E. Center turnabout for the brunt of their vaudevillean shenanigans to allow a window of free-flowing traffic for those of us who happen to be about legitimate academic business? Such a route would also extend the amount of time allotted to the precious offspring of our alumni. After all, on a straight-line route, the number of tooth-rotting, obesity-promoting tokens of our collegiate esteem cannot even approach the potential quantity that could be offered by burying the P.E. Center walkup in Tootsie Rolls and Smarties.
Still, one could not have asked for a more lovely afternoon to be unexpectedly trapped in the purgatory of freeway traffic on a road that is not even legally considered a street.
Thank you for your service, and I wish you great(er) success in years to come.
Blessings,
Jeff Ostrom
P.S. I'm not bitter.
I am a current student of Northwestern College who commutes from off-campus. In order to pay for school, rent, gas, insurance, ramen noodles, EasyMac, and water, I also work full-time. This particular homecoming weekend, I am working a total of 24 hours, so my time is something of a premium. Today, I had to photocopy a reserve text in the library and ran to campus at my earliest convenience. Leaving the library, to my intense dismay, I ran into the homecoming parade. It took me no less than 50 minutes to leave campus from my parking spot in front of the library.
Having so much time on my hands, I had the opportunity to formulate a few thoughts for your consideration:
1) A parade? The concept has a certain quaint charm, I'll admit, but Northwestern is neither Texas A&M nor Lake Wobegon. What, if I may be so bold as to ask, is the point? Last I checked, our football team is not what one would term a bright star in the universe of collegiate athletics. As Northwestern is, primarily, an academic community, can we not retain for ourselves a few shreds of dignity?
2) Further planning and recruitment may be required. A single fire engine, squadcar, convertible, and 2 SUVs with soap-stained windows and streamer-clad trailers does not constitute a "parade." I mean, come on people, even Courtney Love can manage better than that...
3) If you MUST have a "parade," would it be too much to ask to route the thing through the P.E. Center turnabout for the brunt of their vaudevillean shenanigans to allow a window of free-flowing traffic for those of us who happen to be about legitimate academic business? Such a route would also extend the amount of time allotted to the precious offspring of our alumni. After all, on a straight-line route, the number of tooth-rotting, obesity-promoting tokens of our collegiate esteem cannot even approach the potential quantity that could be offered by burying the P.E. Center walkup in Tootsie Rolls and Smarties.
Still, one could not have asked for a more lovely afternoon to be unexpectedly trapped in the purgatory of freeway traffic on a road that is not even legally considered a street.
Thank you for your service, and I wish you great(er) success in years to come.
Blessings,
Jeff Ostrom
P.S. I'm not bitter.
3 Comments:
At 10:57 PM, Erin Bennett said…
This is brilliant! Sorry I found a bit of entertainment at your expense. I hope the rest of your day turned out all right. Homecoming never was an exciting time for me. I hope this letter finds its way into the right hands. :)
At 3:37 PM, Judith Hougen said…
Hmmmm...did you say "I'm not bitter" or "I'm not better"? Just remember that old saying, "This parade too shall pass."
At 12:43 PM, Anonymous said…
Ah, yes - the NWC Homecoming parade. I believe that the one year I attended there, I holed myself up in my quad, hid under the covers, and pulled the shades until it was all over.
But then I lived in the DOI (Den of Iniquity) quad, so....
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