Last night, when I arrived at work with my Down's Syndrome guys, one of them was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs (split entry). I looked upstairs and said hi to the other two as I took off my shoes. When I looked back down, "Tom" had pulled the back of his t-shirt up over his head and was tottering around saying "Jeeeefff... heeelp... I can't find my head..." I laughed like crazy, then went down and pulled the t-shirt off his head. The picture stuck with me, though...

I know how it feels.

The semester is winding down, things are getting crazy, and I feel like I've disengaged... like I've grabbed the edges of myself and pulled them around and over me in an attempt to keep my world manageable -- small and under control. My eyes fixed firmly on the top of my to-do list. I miss fun. I miss wonder. I miss being fascinated by the radiant glory of God in each individual face and voice and life that I find myself in front of. I miss those things, but I am so tired. I need to get some rest -- more sleep, more time, more inner and outer silence. But for now, that can't happen. Is it OK to disengage a little, to just crank it out when it feels like your only option? For some reason, I feel so guilty about it. I feel like I'm alienating people, like I'm alienating myself. Oddly, though, I don't feel distant from God. I don't think I can -- I'm too busy trying to draw from Him the stamina to make it to summer. I don't know.

I'm confused. I guess I'm just blogging cuz it's one of those things that wound up outside my existential t-shirt. Maybe to resolve some of this by getting it out, maybe just to assuage my guilt. Who knows? All I know is God will get me through. Somehow.